Monthly Archives: December 2011
How To Cope After A Break Up
Having A Very Hard Time Coping After Break-Up?
Good relationships can be divided into the before commitment and after commitment stages. While poor relationships can also be split into two distinct stages of their own: Before break-up and after break-up. Either way you will have to learn how to cope after a break up.
Perhaps that’s why sadness, anger, guilt and depression are just a few of the emotions that make having a very hard time coping after break-up a not too uncommon experience.
After all, things are going along just fine, because you are either committed to each other already, or about to be…at least that’s what you’re thinking. Then, wham! You find out you are now going through the after break-up. Here are a few ways to help you get through this difficult time more easily.
One of the best things you can do is find useful outlets for your time. While you may feel like punching a hole in the wall or other destructive things, they won’t do anything to help.
The key is to find positive ways to use your time. Stay active at work or with your other commitments. If your schedule allows, you can even add an activity or two. Just be careful to not overdo it. There is often a fine line between staying active and denial.
Having a very hard time coping after break-up usually results in crawling into a little hole and wallowing in self-pity. That may be a bit blunt for some, but I hope it shakes them up! You have to be with people. There’s no other way around it.
Talk to a trusted friend, preferably one that doesn’t talk to your ex. Having someone to listen to you will go a long way towards helping you deal with the bad feelings you’re experiencing. Even though friends do their best, sometimes they just aren’t able to listen enough.
You can take this idea to the next level by getting help from a mental health professional or find a therapist – some people don’t go out of fear of embarrassment or ridicule, but they are there to help, and are required to keep everything confidential.
Forgiveness can be hard to give, but it is wonderfully liberating. If your ex was at fault, forgive them. Even tougher to do, though, is forgiving yourself. Whether it was really your fault or not isn’t the point. Getting rid of the guilt is.
You may want to avoid everything but you will eventually have to face the fact that you went through a break up. That is, ultimately, the only way to ever get over it completely. You can’t ignore it forever. Bad stuff happens to good people. You have to move on.
Feeling bad after a break-up is normal. Staying attached to those feelings for a long time isn’t healthy. Use the tips above to start getting to a more positive place. Once you do, you will be able to enjoy life much more than you do now.
Four Simple Ways Of Easing Break Up Pain
Why does it seem that everybody feels the need to share that old saying “There are plenty of fish in the sea” with you, when you are trying to get over relationship break up pain?
I know it’s their way of easing the pain of a breakup and while it may be true, it never has the desired effect. The good news is that there are some things you can do to start feeling better and move on with your life, starting with this video.
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Let’s face the facts. After a split, feelings get hurt, tears flow, anger surges and the thought of ever loving again seems like a remote possibility. I mention this because it’s important to know that the ebb and flow of feelings after breaking up are normal.
Apart from time, the only thing that will heal the hurt is accepting things for what they are. Once you can do this, easing the pain of a breakup becomes nearly automatic. However, it may take a while before you get to that stage. Here are a few things you can do to feel better in the meantime.
Get out: Hiding yourself away is detrimental to the healing process. Go ahead and take a little time to be alone, but don’t overdo it. Get out of the house as soon as you can and re-discover the things life has to offer. In the beginning it’s a good idea to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex. Other than that, have a ball!
Stay busy: While you shouldn’t try to completely ignore what you are going through, it’s also not a good idea to dwell on it. Participate in positive or productive activities to give your heart and mind a rest. Clean the house, play games, go to the gym, or anything else that requires movement and some level of thought.
Laugh: It may seem impossible, you may even feel guilty about it, but go ahead and laugh. It is believed that laughter releases certain “feel good” chemicals in the brain. The more you laugh, the better you will feel. Easing the pain of a breakup is never a simple thing to do, but if you can smile and laugh you are well on the way to better days.
Nobody likes to part ways with someone that’s close to them. Even if you knew things were getting worse for quite some time, the actual split can be difficult to handle. There is nothing wrong with feeling down, but only to a certain degree.
To get over a relationship break up at some point you have to be proactive in easing the pain of the split. Using the simple ways mentioned above will get you feeling better much sooner.
The Five Stages Of A Relationship Breakup
Going Through The Motions Of A Relationship Breakup
With a relationship breakup both parties involved will experience different emotions during the stages of the breakup journey.
Regardless of whether you were the person who initiated the break up or not you will still experience an emotional ride.
If you have been with someone for a long time they become a big part of your life and so you will have some emotions involved when they are no longer such a big part of your life.
It can be a little easier to get through the whole break up process if you can recognize the different steps and emotions that you go through. It is necessary to go through the different emotions as part of the healing process.
If you don’t go through the emotions you may not heal completely and will find it difficult to fall in love again. Each step may vary in how long it takes depending on the person.
There are many factors that can determine how long the whole healing process will take. A person who is very confident and happy is likely to go through the healing process faster than a person with little self confidence and who is generally not that happy or confident.
Let’s Take A Look At The Five Stages Of A Relationship Breakup.
1. Firstly there is pain. You will usually be struck with pain immediately. At first there will be some degree of disbelief but once that passes you will find yourself in a lot of pain.
You won’t feel like eating and you may have trouble sleeping and normal everyday tasks will feel like they require too much effort. At this time you may not even want your friends or family around you, you just want to be left alone.
2. Next you will go through a stage of denial. You will believe that the breakup is only temporary and soon your ex will realize they have made a mistake and will want you back.
You may sit back and relax a little in your belief that everything will be alright and you will soon be back together. This can be a damaging stage if you linger here too long as it can stop you from moving on and finishing the whole healing process.
3. Anger is next. Your pain eases and you are no longer in denial and those feelings then turn into anger. You will wonder how you got to this place in your life and how your ex could do this to you.
Your emotions during this stage can affect the way that you act so you need to be careful that you don’t do anything hurtful or destructive that you might regret later. Also, if you hold onto this anger and can’t move past it then you will find it very difficult to have a happy relationship with anyone else.
4. The next stage is the grieving stage. Just as you would mourn a death you would also mourn the death of a relationship. Even though the person hasn’t died, they are no longer with you and so you will grieve the ending of what they two of you shared together.
This is a sad stage and one in which you need to be aware of your feelings. Some people during this stage will believe that they will never find love like that again and can fall into a deep depression. It is normal to grieve the end of a relationship but just be careful that you don’t become depressed. Grieve and then move on.
5. The final stage is acceptance. You will come to a point when you will realize the relationship is over and you will be accepting of that. You will begin to think about your future on your own and spend less time thinking about the past and about your ex.
If you know what the emotional stages of a breakup are then it can make it easier to work through them. All of these emotions are perfectly normal so just work through them and you will soon find yourself looking forward to your future.
When you reach this stage, the decision on whether to look forward to the future and the possibility of finding love again, or if you would like to restart the relationship becomes more clear.
Four Steps To Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage
The thing you need to know is that it is not too late to stop your divorce. The break up of a marriage is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and it is all too common.
More than half of all marriages today will end in divorce. When you consider that divorce is commonly regarded as one of the most stressful events that can happen in a person’s life, even beyond the death of a dead one, this is a lot of heartache out there in the world.
The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop the divorce. I won’t say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can’t expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Step One: Find the Problem
You can’t stop your divorce if you don’t know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Step Two: Fix the Problem
In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can’t fix the problem, then you can’t stop your divorce. Some problems can’t be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don’t get solved is that they are never identified.
But you’ve already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Step Three: Remember the Good Times
You’re going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should always keep in mind that it existed and try to get back to that place .
Step Four: Start Over
The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin anew. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again.
Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop your divorce and save the marriage. If you need more help, then don’t be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, if you are willing to use them.
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